And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. 2 John 6
I feel like these last few weeks God has been pulling on my heart saying, "Listen to me. Do what I say. Go against everything that make sense" and until today, I questioned it. But now I am confident that God knows what He's doing. I should have been confident all along, but when common sense is working against you, it's hard to think you're doing the right thing.
Right now I'm reading Experiencing God, about "How to live the full adventure of knowing and doing the will of God." That's a pretty big thing for me! The Will of God sounds like this ominous thing that I can't get out of. In reality, it's just learning to listen to God speaking to me. My walk with God has always seemed like a sort of roller-coaster ride. Speaking of...
The roller-coaster thing reminded me of something that I've been carrying around for 5 years, and fortunately I didn't have to look very long to find it. In college at Women's Retreat I wrote a letter to myself 5 years into the future. I've been carrying around an envelope for 5 years that's marked "To be opened in 2009." It's been with me through a couple of moves from home to JBU and back home again, and a move to Wichita. I remember making a "map" of my spiritual journey, and you can find that
here. (It is a personal thing to share, but it makes more sense if you can see the map. And you get to see my awesome drawing skills...). I'll share the letter with you, including abbreviations, and improper use of punctuation (sorry, J, I wasn't a Grammar Queen back then). Some of the letter is laugh-out-loud funny, considering present circumstances.
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Dear DeMo ~
This is kind of daunting to know that I'll be reading a letter to myself in 5 years. My life with God has been a bumpy road so far and I'm struggling to find God's involvement in my everyday life. God has reminded me subconsciously of my selfishness, and how self-centered I live my life sometimes. I'm thankful that God has provided me with people to bond with and become closer to, my roommate Mollie who has such a passion for kids & Ireland and Jess Reimer who I see every Tuesday, until she graduates in May :(
The song that most fits my walk with God is "I cry out for your hand of mercy to heal me." My problem is hearing God and trying to find his calling for my life. I'm struggling to completely surrender to God and let my selfishness go. To just walk over my "Bridge of Surrender" and not cross back over and not look back on what I've left behind b/c I'm learning that earthly things really don't matter when it's time for me to go to Heaven to be w/JC.
A quote from chapel last year that relates to this: Let our lives be a manifestation of surrender to God. I just need to surrender but I haven't come to the point where I want to give up earthly desires & follow God. I need to trust God in the unknown b/c He is the path & the light that I follow.
I've learned to be content w/being single, although there are the inevitable times when I feel like I really need a guy. This weekend's theme for Women's Retreat is "Milestones & Markers." I made a life map of where I've been in my spiritual journey & I made a happy face & a question mark. Just because I don't know who's face will be in place of the question mark, but until I find out, & even beyond, I'm going to be happy w/"dating Jesus."
[There's a box in the middle of the page here that says
"calling comes through following."]
In finding God's will for my life, I need to have freedom in God's will b/c He is in control of my life & I can't change that.
I think that God is calling me to be the woman in Proverbs 31. I pray that I will be a "wife of noble character" to my husband & if I'm not married yet, I want Mel to be in my wedding. It's weird saying that but she's been such a good & faithful, honest friend to me for 2 years. Obviously I'm single right now w/o anybody in mind, except those crazy secret crushes like TJ. Weird if I marry him huh? :)
5 years is a long time to wait but I'm excited to see where God will have taken me by 2009.
Let love & faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck,
write them on the tablet of your heart.
Ps 3:3
Amanda
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Isn't God's timing great? Get this: I carry around this envelope for 5 years. It talks so much about finding God's will for my life. This week I get Experiencing God in the mail and it's all about finding God's will! Today I read into tomorrow's chapter, and here's what I find interesting:
"What is God's will for my life?" is not the best question to ask. I think the right question is simply, "What is God's will?" Once I know God's will, then I can adjust my life to Him and His purposes. In other words, what is it that God is purposing where I am? Once I know what God is doing, then I know what I need to do. The focus needs to be on God and His purposes, not my life!"
So simple! I always thought that "finding God's will for my life" was going to be this monumental gigantic thing, but if you re-word the question, it's just a bunch of little steps. And haven't I mentioned on here that I need baby steps to understand Godstuff?
I've surrendered a great on-earth relationship to God, and that's just a step closer to crossing that Bridge of Surrender.