you think that the people who you look up to are invincible, that they'll never die. that the weekly conversations that you have will continue forever. you're thankful that you started that sunday tradition and made time for family before friends. you never think that a day will come when you'll quit telling him what you did last week and what you are doing this week, to keep his mind off of the monotony of the sleep-eat-sleep lifestyle. and it's hard to imagine a day when he won't show his amazement at your schedule and marvel at how you keep up with it all and still manage to sleep. you savor the moments when he tells you that he enjoys your visits so much and you can see it in his eyes, his face lights up and lets you know that he loves you. and you laugh at the times when you call him and tell him that you won't make it to see him and he says that he's keeping a tally of your visits and you're getting behind.
when his eyesight starts failing you read "17 John" to him in the hospital because it's what he wants to hear while he's trying to bounce back from pneumonia. he's determined not to let it get the best of him in that sterile room.
and months later, as he's in bed on his last day, you are sure that you just saw him wink at you, at a moment before the comfort meds take over to help his labored breathing. you open the blinds a little bit trying to trick him into thinking that the gates of heaven just opened up for him. it doesn't work and you're somewhat relieved to get a few more minutes with him. maybe he knew that you were being a trickster and wanted you to know that.
when the end of a life comes, you're forced to see the person in a different light. a frail body but with a soul as ready as ever. you see the dad that you've always looked up to break down watching his own father put his toes on the edge of heaven -- still holding on to life, but so so so eager to meet jesus.
thank you, jesus. for giving me a grandpa who never missed an opportunity to show love. who was patient enough to keep living life and loving us, even though he was ready to see you.
